HEADLINES: MARCH 2nd, 2019

Trump Supporter Has Been Hiding Out in Emergency Bunker Since Election Night Because He Didn't Realize Hillary Lost

The Socialist Restaurant That Makes You Cook Your Own Food and Then Pay For It

Jeff Bezos Challenges Elon Musk to Pistol Duel on Mars

"Savior"  A.I. Commits Suicide Moments After Being Activated

Trump's Hair Quits, Citing Hazardous Working Conditions and Unsatisfactory Pay