HEADLINES: April 4th, 2019

House Launches "Mulder Report" Investigation into Possible Trump UFO Connection

GOP Chooses Swamp Monster as Florida Attorney General

CDC Calls for Quarantine as Magic Kingdom Rocked by "Unicorn Flu" Outbreak

HEADLINES: April 2nd, 2019

Pewdiepie Declares Youtube Channel to Be Sovereign Country in "Pewdiepexit"

Jehovah's Witnesses Win Mental Gymnastics Olympics Third Year Running

Theresa May Launches "Dance Filibuster" to Block No-Confidence Vote

HEADLINES: APRIL 1st, 2019

Former President George W. Bush Arrested For War Crimes in Germany

Tearful Mitch McConnell Vows to Ban Guns After Emotional Meeting With Parkland Survivors

 NASA Announces Full UFO Disclosure;  Reveals Extensive "Extraterrestrial Zoology"