Jerry Springer Revealed to be "Extra-Terrestrial Android" Conducting Decades Long Research on Human Behavior

By Lana Piranha

In an unprecedented media appearance, controversial talk show host Jerry Springer revealed the true nature of his identity:  An android of extra-terrestrial origins sent here to study humanity for science.  To prove his identity, Springing opened a panel on his chest, revealing whirring lights and machinery to the amazement of the gathered press corespondents.

"Greetings, citizens of the universe"  Springer announced, "I come in peace and on a mission of scientific truth.  For many of your earth years I have watched your strange and fascinating activities with great interest.  Now, I have learned all the information my cerebral data banks can hold and I must return to my home planet in order to analyze it."

Many seemed confused or sad at the announcement of the Androids departure.  "Do not be sad humans, I will return in three thousand of your earth years to conduct research on your species once again."  With this he raised his hands into the air and was carried away in a beam of light.

Reactions to the event where mixed, some rejoiced at confirmation of alien life, others seemed afraid of the threat it might pose to earth, most people where just pissed Jerry Springer was canceled.