A new report released by The Daily Q's own Lana Piranha shows that the so called "War on Christmas" is being organized and funded by a group of disgruntled North Pole Elves, protesting working conditions and pay at Santa's Workshop.
The group, calling itself Santa's Labor Elf Insurrectionary Guerrilla Horde (S.L.E.I.G.H.), operates from a network of ice caves located throughout the North Pole, they have launched a series of guerrilla attacks against Santa's infrastructure, causing significant damage and loss of life.
The group is also said to have a network of operative active throughout the world, this group is responsible for the War on Christmas, and secretly launch attacks against Western Culture and Christianity, but beneath it is a deeper motive, to delegitimize Santa in the public's eyes and eventually destroy Christmas as we know it.
"Democrats are the natural allies of these Elvish Insurgents." Says General Gruff McDrill, "These socialists want to end moral values and purity, bring in a regime of equal rights for animals and attack helicopters! So now George Soros is funding a secret revolution on the North poll! Santa is one of the last holdouts against the New World Order!"
How will the tides of battle turn? We may not know until Christmas, but Daily Q will be there with you in the trenches.
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